Flirting With 40

Okay. So this is me over 20 years ago. I don't think that girl had a clue to what the future would hold for her.

The title of my post is somewhat misleading. I am not really flirting with 40. I am engaged to 40. We've already had the wedding rehearsal and everything. In just a little over a month (sometime in March) I will be 40. Let's just say this is a marriage of necessity...I am not happy with turning 40.

Most of my discontent stems probably from having spent most of my 20's and 30's either confronting life and death, chronic illness and pain, infertility...Bummer. I haven't felt good since 1996 (and I'm not kidding about that one). It seems as if my 20's and 30's were spent just trying to survive. I thought by the time I reached 40 I would have at least "arrived." I would be wise and comfortable in my own skin.

Instead. I am just a big neurotic, highly hormonal and just a tad fruity. I will say one thing for this stage of my life (in a humble attempt to at least make friends with 40). I am not afraid of confessing my faults. Nor am I afraid of being wrong. I have also decided that what I consider to be "my rights" are mine to exercise only if they are in service to someone else. I don't have to be the best. The smartest. The prettiest. The funniest or the nicest. Oh don't get me wrong. There are parts of me that I would change in a heartbeat. I am twice the person I used to be (literally) and I struggle every single day with that part of my life. But when it is all said and done I recognize at least those parts of me that make an Eternal difference. If I can't be a blessing to those around me (especially to my hubbie and son) I need to rethink a few things. It's not all about me.


Okay. So I have learned a few things along the way. But trust me. I'm still not going into this thing a happy girl. How many days are in February? Do you think we could add a few more at least to January?

I am the first to recognize I am extraordinarily blessed. I have a terrific Studly Muffin for a husband. A beautiful son (who I waited a very long time for) and some pretty great friends and family. I just wish I could enjoy all those things in a size 6.  Maybe that is what 40 holds for me. A girl can dream.