|Okay. So this is me over 20 years ago. I don't think that girl had a clue to what the future would hold for her.|
Most of my discontent stems probably from having spent most of my 20's and 30's either confronting life and death, chronic illness and pain, infertility...Bummer. I haven't felt good since 1996 (and I'm not kidding about that one). It seems as if my 20's and 30's were spent just trying to survive. I thought by the time I reached 40 I would have at least "arrived." I would be wise and comfortable in my own skin.
Instead. I am just a big neurotic, highly hormonal and just a tad fruity. I will say one thing for this stage of my life (in a humble attempt to at least make friends with 40). I am not afraid of confessing my faults. Nor am I afraid of being wrong. I have also decided that what I consider to be "my rights" are mine to exercise only if they are in service to someone else. I don't have to be the best. The smartest. The prettiest. The funniest or the nicest. Oh don't get me wrong. There are parts of me that I would change in a heartbeat. I am twice the person I used to be (literally) and I struggle every single day with that part of my life. But when it is all said and done I recognize at least those parts of me that make an Eternal difference. If I can't be a blessing to those around me (especially to my hubbie and son) I need to rethink a few things. It's not all about me.
Okay. So I have learned a few things along the way. But trust me. I'm still not going into this thing a happy girl. How many days are in February? Do you think we could add a few more at least to January?
I am the first to recognize I am extraordinarily blessed. I have a terrific Studly Muffin for a husband. A beautiful son (who I waited a very long time for) and some pretty great friends and family. I just wish I could enjoy all those things in a size 6. Maybe that is what 40 holds for me. A girl can dream.