Monday, March 7, 2011


Wow. I'm suffering what could be called a 'pity party'. It's not the first time I have thrown such a party for myself. I have a few good reasons. I've been sick for almost a month now. And every time I seem to be heading up that glorious trail towards health...I run into a (metaphorically speaking) rattlesnake. Not to worry. Spring is almost upon us and there is only so long I will allow myself to wallow in the cavernous, dark pit that is my life. You can see that I am making the most of my sad, sad situation.

1. I am on enough medication to start my own pharmaceutical consulting business. Though undoubtedly illegal. My melancholy could be explained by the steroids and estrogen being pumped simultaneously through my system. I don’t know whether to cry hysterically or lift weights. The upside is that very soon I will be able to wear my favorite hair flower in the hair that is growing on my face. Just kidding! At the very most a cute little clippy will be adequate ;<)
2. My son called a little girl ‘poop’ at the gym today. Sadly, by the time it got to me it was really blown way out proportion and everyone had him calling her the ‘b’ word. I’m not quite sure what ‘b’ word that was…but, anyhoo. I wandered out of the gym crying a little because of the steroids and estrogen being pumped simultaneously through my system. Obviously, the estrogen is winning out.

3. I have watched some good TV while being under the weather. I watched a documentary called “Circus” on Netflix. There were a few words that we aren’t allowed to say (I watched on my laptop with my headphones), but I was so inspired I spent the next few days planning my escape to the circus. I had it all figured out. All except my act. I couldn’t figure out what I would do at the circus. Now I have it figured out…I can be the bearded lady!

4. I really have the best husband in the whole entire world. Yes, ladies. You heard it here. He isn’t called The Studly Muffin for nothing. He not only kept me supplied with my meds, Diet Sprite, my favorite herbal cough drops & Puffs Plus, but I had cashew chicken not once, but twice during my convalescence. I couldn’t really taste it, but it was the thought that counts. Chinese food is not his favorite. He loves me…facial hair and all.

5. I read something about a Clap Bra today. Yeah. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Clap twice and your bra comes off. Folks. That could be really bad. Especially because I am Pentecostal. We clap. About most everything. First time we get a really good Camp Meeting song going and there it would go. I don’t think these Clap Bra people thought this thing through…they for sure don’t go to a Pentecostal Church.

NOTE: Any donations of Nair or any other equally effective hair removal product will be gladly accepted.  

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