Starting Again

 It's been a good while since I've felt like writing. I've started several times and have a few unfinished drafts of ramblings I spared you from. 

You're welcome. 

My creative juices have always ebbed and flowed. Since I haven't written as much over the past few years, those juices certainly haven't flowed as mightly. Practice does make perfect on occasion. 

The truth of my absence and limited creativity is much more complex and private. Frankly, 2023 was a year of extreme lows and very few highs. I can say that there were victories...my weight loss has been consistent (more on that another day). And any day that I have breath in my body and a chance to see the beauty in my life is a good day. 

But there were things that happened in 2023 that were heart-wrenching and soul-crushing. I can't be completely transparent about some of those things because they aren't my stories to tell. But...there is nothing so humbling or scary as being a parent. Or a child. 

I can tell you that both of my parents faced health issues in 2023. I went to the farm in October and stayed for a few weeks. My dad had an injury that turned into a life-threatening infection. It was frightening to see my strong and stalwart dad in so much pain. But we did what we always do. Pulled up our britches, made a cup of coffee, and got on with it. 

He is doing better but whether or not he is taking care of himself is questionable. 

I had a few goals coming into the new year concerning my professional and creative goals. 

I wanted to write consistently. I want to complete a devotional book this year. I am currently working on revamping our family cookbook. I have created several journals and a few activity books for sale. I want to continue to really pursue and promote that venture. 

Realistically, I haven't done a good job of holding myself accountable. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think that I had been experiencing a delayed trauma reaction and had shut down in some respects. 

Writing has generally been a healing outlet for me. In fact, it was after a second bout of congestive heart failure that I started this blog. This time, I didn't even know how to express what I was feeling or what I needed. Depression? Maybe. Anxiety? Most certainly. Living in survival mode? We all do it from time to time. 

I think it is so important to be able to recognize those valleys in our lives for what they are. Life is tough. Life can be cruel and unfair. But it can also be joyous and crazy and quiet. A healthy life recognizes that a good life contains all of those things. 

For now, I hold to my philosophy of life. That our lives are made up of small moments. The big ones can overwhelm us, crush us, or in turn, bless us. But it's the small moments that satisfy, that comfort, that keep us grounded and grateful. 

Here is to the quiet cup of tea, a random evening walk around the neighborhood, the meaningful conversation with a loved one, the flicker of a candle, the sounds and smells of a pot of soup bubbling on the stove, or the beautiful words of a hymn. 

Talk to you soon.