Friday, October 7, 2011

Random Thoughts: The 20th Anniversary Edition

So I've resigned myself to the fact that I might not ever see my laptop again. If you recall (and if you don't that's okay too...I'm easy like that) my laptop cord caught on fire several weeks ago. Because we are poor and things like laptop cords don't grow on trees my Dad said he would fix it for me. I was hopeful for about a minute. After all, he is kind of a genius (literally), but he isn't really known for his speedy fix-it problems. After all, this is like "year 4" of their farmhouse renovation project and they still really don't have a kitchen. Or floors.

But, I've picked on my poor Dad quite enough. The Studly Muffin has been gracious enough to share his desktop computer with me and other than the obvious inconvenience and the fact that I have 100's of things I need on my's all good.

So. You've might have guessed that The Studly Muffin and I celebrated 20 years together this week. We really haven't celebrated anything yet. I had the stomach bug and Troy had to work on our actual anniversary. He wrote me a sweet note (made me cry) and we exchanged "wow...has it been 20 years" pleasantries, but we plan on doing some real partying today. Lunch at Fridays and a family swim at the YMCA pool. We have always been the daring couple to watch. In honor of our 20 years I am going to hit you fast with 20 random thoughts. Some of which include my own relationship advice. Such as it is.

1. You can't be married for 20 years and not develop some pretty groovy insight. My advice to young couples. IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! Sometimes it's just about keeping your mouth shut and being a supportive spouse. You don't have to tell all you know.

2. Sometimes the best thing that you can do for your marriage is having hobbies and interests all your own. One person is never going to meet all of your needs. Only God can accomplish that. It is unfair and unrealistic  to ask your spouse to be all things to you. And it puts quite a bit of pressure on the relationship.

3. That being said, be sure to make time to spend time together. Even if you have to schedule the time. And it's not always going to be dinner out. Or weekends away. I think we've fallen for these commercialized images of what "Romance" should look like. Be creative. Some of my favorite times have been just microwave popcorn and a movie at home.

4. I am a pretty private person. I realize that's hard to believe. After all, I have a public blog. But when I am stressed or overwhelmed I tend to withdraw into myself. Some days, If you knew half of what I really thought you would be the first to recommend me for commitment to the nearest facility (as to what facility...take your pick...I'm still waiting for the day when someone commits me to the nearest spa). It is important for me to have an outlet to express myself other than taking it out on my family. I have had experiences that no one else can really understand...a lot of us have. However, it's not healthy to wrap ourselves up self-pity and assume that because of that no one really cares. In fact, it can be deadly to all of your relationships.

5. So. Shew! Now that I've completed my obligatory "I've Been Married Now For 20 Years...Listen To Me" spew, we can move on to some of the lighter stuff.

6. My apartment. Have I whined lately about it? I always need to begin a self-pitying tirade by pointing out that I am extremely grateful for the roof over my head and a safe place to stay.

7. But now that I've done so let me tell you a little something. I want a house! With a yard for my active boy to play in. And a laundry room all my own so I can spring my washer and dryer out of storage. I want to paint a wall red!. And I need a bigger kitchen. I break something everytime I turn around. Sigh.

8. Okay. Self-pitying tirade is over.

9. My son. He is the gift that never stops giving. We moved a cedar chest into the living room the other day to act as a coffee table. He's sitting staring at it yesterday. "Mom. Why do we need a coffee table. You and Dad don't even drink coffee." Oh the wisdom of the young.

10. Our big fall activity has been swim lessons. This has been quite the deal. He is having a ball.

11. When he first started he had a list of things that concerned him. What if he got water in his ears?  Would they ask him to go swim in the "deep?" What if the Y pool suddenly became invested with sharks? It's not like he had never been swimming at the Y pool. He goes at least once a week. And we have never seen a shark. At least not the kind that swim in the ocean.

12. I am always amazed though about how many leave their brains at home before venturing out in public.

13. On the nicely printed pool schedule at the Y there are clearly marked times the public is invited to swim. It is called "Open Swim." And then it gives the times when lessons or classes are being held. Undoubtedly, there is always a handful of people who saunter in around lesson time expecting to swim. And then have the nerve to be a bit huffy when they find out they can't swim at that particular time. Our aquatics director had to kick at least 8 people out of the pool last week. You would have thought she had asked them to give up their first born.

14. I keep a copy of the pool schedule in my purse. 'Cause that's the way I roll.

15. Speaking of rolling. Josiah has been learning to play Frisbee at one of his PE classes. Which is not really rolling, but more like gliding. But because I claim to know nothing about sports I will call it what I want.

16. I admitted this on Facebook, so I guess I will  just go ahead and continue my walk of shame. Yesterday I decided to dust the furniture in the living room. Which, frankly, hadn't seen a dust free day in quite a while. While I dusted away frantically with my can of pledge and dust rag, both of my boys commented on the unusual stench in the living room. You can imagine how I felt when I realized later in the day that I had been dusting with bug spray. What's next? Washing my windows with hair spray? It could happen on my watch.

17. We have plans today. Plans that don't include dusting. It's always a good day when I can spend it with my boys. Josiah and I spend all sorts of time together. We are homeschoolers. But, it's always nice to add The Studly Muffin into the mix.

18. I would be remiss if I didn't ramble on a little bit about him. Not only is he a pretty great husband, but he and Josiah go twice a week to the Y to work out and shoot some hoops. Now that's a pretty great dad.

19. The first year we were married we were so poor we celebrated our anniversary at my Mom's dining room table. She fixed us a gourmet meal, set up a fancy table and served us. We've had more anniversaries celebrated at a fancy restaurant. And a few that we celebrated while I was in the hospital.

20. Despite the location or circumstances, I can depend on Troy to be faithful, sincere and committed to me. He put the full-time ministry on hold for me after my last heart failure episode so I could heal. He's taken on an occupation that neither fulfills him or truly takes advantage of all his gifts and talents just so I could have some stability. He's passionate about his family and his God. Plus, He floats my boat. What more could a girl ask for?

Now I need to get that man out of bed! We've got places to go!

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