Family

There is a good chance that I am related to a good portion of Southern Missouri. Both of my parents were born here. Both had generations of kin folks who made the rocky hills their homes. As many with many families some moved away…some moved away and came back. I always wonder if those who have the Ozark clay running through veins, but have never actually lived here get a sudden hankering for fried crappie and blackberry cobbler, occasionally find themselves rocking in time to the sound of a fiddle, or have the urge to put up a henhouse in the backyard. I hate to be stereotypical…after all, there are poets and artists in these hills. But most of us aren’t so removed from our roots not to appreciate the practicality of using a perfectly good piece of property for chickens.

For much of my childhood I lived a good distance away from any relations. Don’t get me wrong. I still lived in the Ozarks…just the Arkansas part. I can promise you that in the 1970’s there were still “stills” hidden in the hollers and hills. It was disconcerting moving to the bosom of my extended family when I was a young teenager. Still today I find myself looking at particular nose or expression of the eyebrows and wonder…”is that nose a Michel nose?” Or “could those be Wilson eyebrows?” And..”those have to be Bilyeu ears!” (you would know what I am talking about if you saw them first hand).

As an adult I have added to the vines and limbs of my family tree. My son doesn’t have the Michel nose…or the Bilyeu ears. His expressive eyebrows come from watching his mother (me) and his Papa use them accordingly. We grafted Josiah into the family tree. But, though he is not a child of my body I can still see the quirkiness and creativity that I attribute to the hillbillies I claim as kin. He hasn’t shown any aptitude for the musicality that runs deep through both sides of my family, but that’s okay…I’m sure I have a cousin somewhere that can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Josiah’s eyes still shine bright during family sings and he has great rhythm. Not that it would matter. Family is more than shared DNA or eyebrows. I am blessed I have gotten to experience the best kind of family love…the love of “just because you are you.”

P.S. The picture is of my mom (Sherry Lou Bilyeu at the time) and her grandpa...Grandpa Willie Bilyeu.

Feeling Mighty Fine

Around the holidays a friend of mine sent me a nutritional product she had started selling. She is a cancer survivor and wants to keep herself as healthy as possible. She had amazing results on the product and thought I would benefit from it. Remarkably, I have had really good results. I am loosing weight, gaining energy and most importantly, have been healthy since I've been taking them. You have to understand that because of my health issues I am constantly battling whatever bug is floating around. I spent the entire fall season sick with something. Not only did I miss work, but had to leave my job because of my health. I am eventually going to start selling them myself so I can get my own products without any cost to me(or nearly so). I will be the first to tell you I am not a salesperson. In fact, I really hate selling anything. But, it's important enough to me to be able to stay on the products. I would put my "schmooz" on..but I don't think I have any "schmooz" in me!

Birthday Boy

My baby celebrated his 7th birthday on Thanksgiving. The prize birthday present was the suit purchased for him at JC Penney's from Ama and Papa. After we had stuffed ourselves with turkey and the like at my house we whupped it up in honor of Josiah's birthday. Papa helped Josiah adjust his suit and Ama took pictures of the birthday boy as well as the ever adoring cousins. Alexandra and Madalyn absolutely love Josiah and are enchanted with everything he does...not that I blame them. Isn't he handsome? The hat was a birthday gift from Uncle Ryan and Aunt Stephannie and the kids...It also has a matching whip...all part of an Indiana Jones outfit....which I can tell you was a big hit!

Merry Christmas

It's almost noon on Monday morning...just days before Christmas. I have been up since 5:00am doing odds and ends of piddly stuff...wrapping gifts, packaging up little pumpkin gingerbread loafs and caramel corn I made during a domestic fit earlier this week. We are shortly leaving for Illinois (just outside of St. Louie) for a week of Teague togetherness. I love my other family...they are warm, generous and almost all as hyperactive as Troy. So I've brought a few books along in hopes that I will able to find a quiet corner somewhere in brother-in-law's spacious home. I think there are at least almost 20 Teagues (and a few tag-a-longs) that will be spending Christmas together this year. We alternate holidays. Troy and I have learned to compromise over the past 17 years. This year...as with the past seven years...Christmas has been made sweeter with the addition of our son, Josiah. I can't tell you how much fun we've had this holiday season. We've been poorer than ever, but I can say that we've seen blessing after blessing come our way in the past few weeks. It's moments like these that puts everything in perspective and truly spotlights the true meaning of Christmas. So, despite the fact that Troy has already had to call the locksmith to unlock our Ford's faulty automatic lock this morning (don't ask) we feel truly blessed. It's about the Giver all good things. Merry Christmas!

Change Upon Change

I apologize to those on facebook who, expecting just a brief passing note, find themselves in the muddled mess that are my thoughts. I thought I was just giving a link to my blogspot on blogger and I think have managed to import all these...ramblings (for lack of a better word). Good grief!

I had a job interview just a few weeks ago at our National Office. It was really a nice opportunity for me and also part-time which would have allowed me plenty of time to do my homeschooling stuff. I really enjoyed my interview (as best as one can enjoy one of those things), but realized rather quickly that I might not have the energy to handle it. So here I sit...again...but I have to say that I am sitting in a better seat. For some reason I don't feel that frantic rush to find something to help us financially. We are still broke. It's just that I think my faith has been given a little boost. There have been a few blessings recently that have let me know that God is still in control. I was reading one of my early blogs (when I was in heart failure the last time, but didn't know it yet). It was on my "myspace" page and it made me a little weepy. The bizzare thing is that I was right in the middle of planning a mother's day banquet or something. I was just so sick...and yet kept right up with what I needed to do. Crazy girl.

Why do we do we (and of course I mean that in the broadest terms) do much of this thing called "life" on our own? Is it not enough that God created the heavens and earth....I mean really! I am often amazed at my own ingenuity and wherewithall. And when I say amazed I am not in the least impressed with myself. I am just amazed that I have the gall to think I can do a better job with my life than God. I always think I have to fix things...and when I decide I am not going to try and fix things I sit around and worry about the ineptness of the Creator of the universe. Not literally, but you get the picture.

There are going to be some changes for the Teague family in the next month or so. We are torn. It will be a good situation for us in some ways, but will also shut the door on other possibilites for a time. We have lived the last few years in limbo...not knowing what the coming hours hold for us. We feel the urgency of the times but are unsure where we fit anymore. So once again I am asking again for God's hands to lead and guide us. And to bless us with that peace only He can give.

To Start Over Again

This has been a week of mixed blessings. Sometimes I feel that if I shut my eyes tight enough and then open them again slowly I will look at a life that seems more familiar to me. Not that my life has been anything but strange and kind of "made for a tv movie-ish"...at least in the past 12 or so years. Sometimes I don't feel as if I recognize myself, at all. Where did that quirky, spunky and kind of dreamy girl go? What I have discovered, however, in my trials and traverses is that God is still in control...despite me. This week has started out like many others. We are still wandering around an unfamiliar country. Occasionally, we see some sort of tree or rock or brook that seems familiar, but at closer look it is only a facsimile of something we once knew....So we wander on. My husband and I have been on a self-imposed furlough from something that was once so much part of us that not an hour went by without some sort of reminder of the life we had chosen or was chosen for us. It is very easy for those in full-time ministry to lose themselves in projects, people and causes. Suddenly (or not so suddenly) those projects, people and causes take the place of a deep and personal relationship with the Savior. What happens when those things are stripped away? What is left. If you were given a chance to start over again what would it be that you take with you from your former life? Those are some questions we've had to ask ourselves. And sometimes the answers aren't attractive or even very hopeful. What I have found is that the church world at large is not very forgiving to those who "should know better." After all, we used to be one of those who would plead from the pulpit for participation in our pet projects. We would cajole and persaude ....after all, if folks weren't going with the program they probably had some "issues." We have not shown mercy when it was mercy that would have made the difference. We have not shown hope when it was hope that would have made the difference. We have not followed after that one. When the pursuit would have made the difference. If we could start over again we would know that it's more about the person sitting in the pew than it is my opinion of what they should become. It is more about being that "hand extended" than it is about the Easter choir runs without a hitch or the children's carnival has plenty of workers. Sometimes it's someone like me...who should "know better"...that needs that hand. Someone who is just trying to find their way in an unfamiliar country.
I realize I have been fairly cryptic in my thoughts tonight. I wish, I wish, I wish I could reach out to those like me and some others that I know. Those who have spent their lives serving and found themselves maybe a little burnt out or a little hurt. In our case we were waylaid by the unexpected. Our lives had to change for a while and we realized that we weren't very well suited for those changes. It's tough enough when a young couple faces what we have in our marriage...infertility, chronic illness and traumatic injury. Troy has spent the past 12 of our 17 years supporting me through one health crisis after another....And not once did we stop our work. Not once did we postpone a candlelight caroling, or mother's day tea. Not once did we set another date for a revival or potluck dinner. We fed the hungry and clothed the naked. We mourned with the widow and cried with a grieving parent. So what was left when it stopped for a time. A family that needed to find themselves again...A family that needed to heal...And a family that needed God's mercy as much as anybody.
We still haven't found our way out of this "undiscovered country" (and yes, I am a trekkie). Not because of choice. There are many days I cry out "Lord, just point me in a direction!" And He reminds that just because He is preparing me for something (not quite sure what it is yet) doesn't mean that I am excused from those things He has commanded all of us to do. To show kindness and mercy to those around me....to tell others about His grace and love...to grieve and rejoice with the hurting and the hopeful alike. He wants more time with me...He wants me to forget my "to do" list and He just wants me. If I could start over again. That's would I would do.

Santa's come to Bass Pro

We are fortunate to live really close to the "grandaddy" of all sporting goods and fishing shops, Bass Pro in Springfield. It's something else...And pretty much a field trip all in itself. It also happens to be one of Josiah's favorite places to visit in the whole wide world. And because it's free we go frequently. Bass Pro has done something pretty neat this year and created a whole little North Pole Village with activities and a free picture with Santa Claus. We went last weekend (it was crazy busy). Josiah made a paper train for the Christmas tree, shot some sort of gun and got to sit with Santa. This Santa was especially good. He really took his time with the kids. Josiah told him that he wanted a Bumble Bee (transformer) and some Indiana Jones toys. Good times.

My mom bought Josiah a cookie decorating kit from Hobby Lobby a few weeks ago. We just made them. I think he actually interesting in eating the frosting rather than decorating the cookies. Who can blame a boy.

The Tooth Fairy Strikes Again

Josiah has lost two teeth in the past few weeks. The first tooth was worth 50 cents. Not much I know, but the economy has hit the tooth fairy pretty hard, too. He lost the second tooth this week. Because the tooth fairy was short on cash she wrote Josiah an IOU and enclosed a coupon for a trip to the Dollar Tree. He was pretty thrilled. He is going to be really upset with me when he founds out mom has been moonlighting as the Tooth Fairy. This is serious stuff. I was going to take a pic of the gaps in his mouth, but they aren't any. Josiah's adult teeth start growing in months ago behind his baby teeth. Instead I settled for a picture of his note from the "Tooth Fairy".

What's a girl to do?

We are experiencing the last days of cable television, at least for a while, at our house. Because we are poorer than Job's turkey currently, we have had to do some budgeting. Our cable really wasn't all that expensive...it's just one of those things. We don't watch a whole lot of network tv....so I will miss my cable shows. I am a bit of a reality television geek...and when I say reality...I mean of all sorts. The cooking shows, the decorating shows, the biographies about dead people (or alive), documentaries about ancient worlds...hey..I'm there! We also love old movies and those sweet sappy movies on the Hallmark Channel. Troy does the whole sports watching thing...I just don't get it. I am currently following the most recent season of Top Chef. Those Top Chefs really can curse up a storm. Makes you wonder. But I do have to say that that is the kind of competition that I can really get into. (not the cursing part, obviously) It also makes me want to start grabbing stuff out of the fridge and the cabinets to see what I can come up with. I'm not sure who I like yet in this new season. I really enjoyed Richard of last season...he did have a bit of a potty mouth on occasion, but though he knew he was exceptional he didn't rub it in and seemed play well with others. There are a few guys on this new season that come across a bit cocky.

I really love to cook, but there are things I can't cook. I can't cook sweet stuff very well. And this has been a problem since my youngest years of cooking. I remember making my first meal entirely by myself when I was 10 or 11. I made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli and cheese and angel biscuits. Yummy. Then I made a birthday cake for my mom that was highlighted by floating blueberries that swam merrily along the top of a white cake. They weren't supposed to float. In fact, I don't think I was following any particular recipe. I made the cake from scratch as well as the frosting. I guess the blueberries sounded like a good idea...only the cake needs to be completely cooked inside and cool...not to mention the frosting needed to be the right consistency. Powdered sugar and water just doesn't cut it. I also never come out with the right aboumt of cookies. If it says it will yield 2 dozen...I get 3 and a half...not dozen....just 3 and 1/2 cookies. And it's not because I've been sampling the cookie dough either. My sister says I don't follow directions very well...I do too! I just maybe mix it up a bit...which is something that you can't do in baking apparently. So here I am waiting any day now for the cable to go out and I will be forced to wait until Saturday afternoons to watch cooking on PBS...and nobody on PBS is throwing it down in a quick fire challenge.

My apologies to Mozart

Ah! What was I thinking when I wrote last night that I didn't care for Mozart's Queen of the Night Aria? I like it very much, but didn't mean to put it on my playlist...I like opera, but for the sake of my opera loathing friends I was very choosy about the few I did put on my list. After all, who can resisit Pavarotti and his glorious Nessun Dorma....Oh well...I have offically "outed" myself as a true geeky gal.